Inside Derek's Mind
by Meg Nik
Summary: COMPLETE : This fanfic is about how i think Derek was thinking during these certain episodes. It is based on season one.
1. A Hard Day's Night

A/N: I do not own anything dealing with Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did. This story is going to be based on Derek's POV in season one. Enjoy. R/R please.

GossipGirl17: Tell me if this is better. Thanks for the tip.

A Hard Day's Night

_Where am I again?_ I think as I hear someone moving around in the room. Then I remember. _Oh, yeah. I'm at the woman's house that I met last night at the bar. Man, that was fun last night._ I look up at her. "This is…uh…"

She interrupts me. "…humiliating on so many levels. You have to go."

I feel disappointed. I want to do it again. "Why, why don't you just come back down here and we'll pick up where we left off."

She looks at me in disbelief. "No seriously you have to go. I'm late which isn't what you want to be on your first day of work, so…"

_Oh, well. I guess another time then._ I start getting dressed. "So, ah, you actually live here?"

"No," she states bluntly.

"Oh," I say surprised. _I wonder where she lives then. And whose house is this._

"Yes. Kind of," she finally admits it.

_What does she mean by kind of? _Looking around the place, which still has boxes strewn everywhere, I say "Oh. It's nice. A little dusty. Odd. But it's nice. Huh. So how do you kinda live here?"

She looks at me like she doesn't want to explain. "I moved 2 weeks ago from Boston. It was my mother's house. I'm selling it."

_Wow. I wonder if her mother's dead. She talks about her like she is._ "Oh I'm sorry."

She looks at me confused. "For what?"

"You said was." _Oh crap. Why did I bring this up?_

She looks like she's about to laugh. "Oh my mother's not dead. She's…you know what? We don't have to do the thing."

_Hmmm. I think this is my kind of girl._ "Oh. We can do anything you want."

She looks at me like I'm crazy. "No the thing, exchange the details, pretend we care. Look I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. Okay and when I get back down here, you won't be here. So…um…goodbye…uh…"

_Why is she saying that. Now I don't think she's my kind of girl. Oh well._ "Derek."

"Derek. Right, Meredith," she introduces herself to me.

I start grinning. "Meredith."

She starts smiling back. "Yeah. Mmm hmm."

"Nice meeting you."

"Bye Derek."

_Man. She's definitely my kind of girl._

As I get to work, I can't get Meredith out of my head. I just try my best to put her in the back of my mind until I get off of work. _Oh, man. I forgot we get new interns today. I hope I get a good one if I end up with any. Hopefully they won't be a bunch of clueless losers._

As I'm discussing one of my patients with some of my colleagues, I look up to see no other than Meredith, the girl from last night. At first, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I go back to reading the chart in my hand. Then, I do a double take and realize that this is reality. She's really standing right there. And she's an intern of all things. _Oh my God. I had sex with an intern._ Meredith then turns and runs away like nothing weird just happened.

_I have got to find her and find out why she didn't tell me she was an intern._ I finally find her walking down a hallway. I proceed to grab her and pull her to the nearest empty stairwell.

Meredith looks at me like I'm crazy. "Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Shepherd? This morning it was Derek. Now it's Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Shepherd we should pretend it never happened."

"What never happened? You sleeping with me last night? Or you throwing me out this morning. Because both are fond memories I'd like to hold on to."_ This is hilarious. If she thinks I'm going to forget it that easy she is dead wrong._

"No. There will be no memories. I'm not the girl in the bar anymore and you're not the guy. This can't exist. You get that, right?"

I start to smile and just nodding I said, "You took advantage of me and now you want to forget about it."

She tries to interrupt me. "I did not take…"

I interrupt, "I was drunk, vulnerable, and good looking and you took advantage." _Now I've got her where I want her. Maybe._

Meredith starts smiling at me. "Okay, I was the one who was drunk and you are not that good looking."

_Oh, what a low blow. I hope she doesn't really mean that. I doubt it though since she's smiling._ "Maybe not today. Last night? Last night I was very good looking. I had my red shirt on. My good looking shirt. You took advantage."

"I did not take advantage."

I smile at her. "Want to take advantage again? Say Friday night?" _Please say yes!_

Meredith looking shocked exclaimed, "No. You're an attending. And I'm your intern."

_Man what I would give to kiss those lips of hers right now._

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" I wonder. _I so want her…_

"Like you've seen me naked."

I start smirking at her. _But I have seen you naked._

"Dr. Shepherd! This is inappropriate. Has that ever occurred to you?" and with that she leaves the stairwell.

I am left utterly confused. _What's up with girls actually thinking me as inappropriate._

Later that night, I get a page that Katie Bryce, a girl that came in with seizures, has started going south. As I run in the room I see Meredith and some nurses. "What the hell happened?" _I cannot lose her now._

Meredith looked at me. "She had a seizure and her heart stopped."

"A seizure? You were supposed to be monitoring her!" By this point I'm screaming at her. _Why wasn't she watching her more closely?_

"I checked on her…"

I interrupt her. "I got her. Just, just go." I watch as Meredith walks out of the room upset. "Somebody give me her…give me her chart please?" _I am so irritated with her._

When morning comes, I find myself talking to Katie's parents. _Here we go._

"You said it was a seizure disorder. Now you're saying it isn't?" Mr. Bryce asks me.

"I'm saying I don't know."

Mrs. Bryce then looks at me. "What do you think it could be?"

"I don't know."

Mr Bryce then asks me, "When will you know?"

"I don't have an answer for you. For now Katie is stable and…"

Mr Bryce angrily interrupts me. "Wait one damn minute. We came here because this hospital is supposed to be the best in Washington. That's my kid in there. My kid! And you have the audacity to stand here and tell me I don't know."

"Mr. Bryce…"

"No I want someone else. A doctor who knows what they're doing. You get me someone else. Someone better than you!"

_These people just don't understand. None of us know what's going on with Katie. _"Mr. Bryce, I assure you that I'm working hard on Katie's case."

"No you're not! If you were you would be able to give me some answers."

_Man! The nerve of some people. I have to figure something out. Maybe if I get the interns doing some research we'll be able to figure out the mystery of Katie's case._ I walk into the boardroom where all of the interns have gathered. "Well good morning. I'm gonna do something that's pretty rare for a surgeon. I'm gonna ask the interns for help. I've got this kid Katie Bryce. Right now she's a mystery. She doesn't respond to our meds, labs are clean, scans are pure but she's having seizures. Grand mal seizures with no visible cause. She's a ticking clock. She's gonna die if I don't make a diagnosis. Which is where you come in. I can't do it alone. I need your extra minds, extra eyes. I need you to play detective. I need you to find out why Katie is having seizures. I know your tired; your busy; you got more work than you can possibly handle. I understand. So I'm going to give you an incentive, whoever finds the answer rides with me. If Katie needs surgery, you get to do what no other interns get to do, scrub in to assist on advance procedure. Dr. Bailey is going to hand you Katie's chart. The clock is ticking fast people. If we're going to save Katie's life we have to do it soon."

As I walk out of the room, the interns start buzzing and trying to figure out the reason behind Katie's mysterious seizures.

Later that day, as I was getting into an elevator, I hear Cristina and Meredith trying to catch up to me. _What do they want?_

"Oh, oh Dr. Shepherd. Just one moment um…Katie competes in beauty pageants," Cristina points out.

"I know that but we have to save her life anyway." _I wonder what she means by that._

Cristina continues, "Okay she has no headaches, no neck pain, her CTs are clean…"

I look around at the people on the elevator getting irritated at Cristina for holding the door.

"Ah there's no medical proof of an aneurysm."

"Right." I was trying to hurry things along. _These people are getting annoyed with her._

"But what if she has an aneurysm anyway?"

"There are no indicators."

"Ah but she twisted her ankle a few weeks ago when she was practicing for the pageant," Cristina says as she keeps the doors from closing.

_What does a twisted ankle have to do with Katie's case. _"Okay I'm sure you're trying to help…"

Meredith interrupts me, "She fell when she twisted her ankle. She fell."

Cristina adds, "It was no big deal. Not even a bump on the head. You know she got right back up. Iced her ankle and everything was fine but it was a fall so minor her doctor didn't even think to mention it when I was taking her history. But she did. She did fall."

"Well you know what the chances that a minor fall can burst into an aneursym? One in a million! Literally." Finally the doors shut in Cristina and Meredith's faces._ What if they're right?_ I open the doors again. "Let's go."

"Where?" Cristina looks confused.

"To find out if Katie is one in a million."

As we are watching Katie's angiogram on a screen, I notice what looks like a hemorrhage. "I'll be damned."

The MRI technician agreed with me. "There it is."

"It's miniscule. But it's there. It's a sub-arachnoid hemorrhage. She's bleeding into her brain."_ Thank God we finally got this figured out. Now to find Katie's parents and give them the news._

"She could've gone throughout her entire life without it ever being a problem." Meredith, Cristina, and I were walking through the waiting room heading to Katie's room to tell Katie's parents.

"Right," Cristina agreed with me.

"One tap in the right spot…"

"Right spot."

"Exactly. Now I get to fix it. You 2 did great work. Love to stay and kiss you asses but I got to tell Katie's parents she's having surgery." We stopped at the nurses desk. "Katie Bryce's chart please."

A nurse hands it to me. "Here you go."

Cristina approaches me. "Ah, ah, Dr. Shepherd you said that you'd, you'd pick someone to scrub in if we helped."

_Man, I forgot about that part._ "Oh yes right. Um, I'm sorry I can't take you both. It's gonna be a full house. Meredith, I'll see you in the O.R." I start walking to Katie's room.

That night, I was in Katie's room shaving her head for surgery as she slept. Meredith walks it. "Promised her I'd make her look cool. Apparently being a bald beauty queen is the worse thing that happened in the history of the world." _Girls and their hair._

Meredith cuts to the chase. "Did you choose me for the surgery because I slept with you?"

"Yes." Meredith looks sternly at me. "I'm kidding." _Can't she just take a joke?_

"I'm not gonna scrub in for surgery. You should ask Cristina. She really wants it."

_Why is she saying that? _"You're Katie's doctor. And on your first day with very little training you helped save her life. You earned the right to follow her case through to the finish. You shouldn't let the fact that we had sex get in the way of you taking your shot."

That night in the O.R., we are all ready to get Katie back to normal. "All right everybody. It's a beautiful night to save lives. Let's have some fun." I nod over to Meredith to come over and have a closer look. I let Meredith look in the microscope to see the lesion in Katie's brain.

After surgery, I am at the nurse's station, and look up to see Meredith looking at me. _Why is she looking at me like that?_

"That was amazing." She was smiling.

"Hmmm." I look back at her smiling and nodding._ What does she mean by that?_

"You practice on cadavers. You observe. And you think you know what you're gonna feel like standing over that table but…that was such a high. I don't know why anybody does drugs."

"Yeah." I am still smiling at her. _She is so right. I love the feeling of being in the O.R._

"Yeah." She smiles back shyly.

"I should…ah…go do this."

"You should."

"I'll see you around." I start to walk off. _Man, I love that girl._

"See you around. See ya."


	2. The First Cut is the Deepest

A/N: I do not own anything dealing with Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did. This story is going to be based on Derek's POV in season one. Enjoy. R/R please

GossipGirl17: Tell me if this is better. Thanks for the tip.

The First Cut is the Deepest

Today started out as normal to be expected. While standing in the elevator playing around with my cell phone, Meredith gets on the elevator, and deliberately stands in front of me to avoid eye contact. "Seattle has ferry boats." _I am amazed at this. I never really knew Seattle has ferry boats._

Meredith smiles saying, "Yes."

"I didn't know that. I've been living here 6 weeks. I didn't know there were ferry boats."

"Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides," Meredith informs me.

_That makes sense. _"Hence the ferry boats. Now I have to like it here. Wasn't planning on liking it here. I'm from New York. I'm genetically engineered to dislike everywhere except Manhattan. I have a thing for ferry boats." I am now standing slightly in from on Meredith but facing the doors as is she. _I wish she would go out with me._

"I'm not going out with you."

_How does she get into my head like that. _"Did I ask you to go out with me?" I ask as I turn to look at her. She doesn't say anything._ Maybe I'll ask her anyway._ So I turn back to the front of the elevator. So smiling I ask, "Do you want to go out with me?"

"I'm not dating you. And I'm definitely not sleeping with you again. You're my boss."

_I am not her boss, technically. _"I'm your boss' boss."

"You're my teacher. And my teacher's teacher. And you're my teacher."

"I'm you sister. I'm your daughter," I say jokingly._ I love to mess with her._

"You're sexually harassing me."

_No, I'm not. _"I'm riding an elevator," I state.

"Look I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big line."

_I love it when she sets herself up for a joke. _"So this line is it imaginary or do I need to get you a marker," I ponder turning around to face her. Meredith then snaps at me. She drops her folders and pushes me up against the wall of the elevator and kisses me. _Whoa. Wasn't expecting that._ So I start making out with her as the elevator starts moving. Right as the elevator door opens we break apart like nothing happened. _Man, why did these doctors have to get on the elevator now. I wonder where that would have lead too if we were able to continue._ I am left in the elevator as Meredith picks up her folders and leaves thinking about what just happened. Before the doors close I call out to her, "We'll talk later?"

Later that day, while operating on a rape victim that came in through the ER, Dr. Burke and I start discussing things revolving around the patient, while Meredith looks on.

_I can't believe she's still alive. _"She's gonna spend a hell of a long time in recovery and rehab," I wonder aloud.

"If she survives," Burke interjects.

_This girl is so small built. How did she defend herself like that? _"What is she like 5 foot 2"? 100 pounds? She's still breathing after what this guy did to her? If gift's a god, they should castrate him."

"See how shredded her hands are. She tried to fight back."

_This girl is a fighter. _"Tried to? Rape kit came back negative. She kicked his ass."

"So, we have a warrior among us, huh?" All of us laugh in the O.R. except for Meredith.

"Allison." she states. We all look at her. "Her name is Allison."

"Allison," I say. _That's a pretty name._

"I think I may have found the cause of our rupture." Burke says pulling a small but substantial bit of flesh out and holds it up for everyone to see. "What is this? Does anyone know what this is?"

"Oh my God," Meredith exclaims in shock.

"What? Spit it out Grey," Burke asks.

"She bit it off."

"Bit off what?"

"That's…his…penis," Meredith says as all the male doctors in the operating room groaned.

_I can't believe she bit the rapist's penis off. I can't imagine what that guy is feeling right now._

"She bit off his, his penis."

"Oh," Burke groans as he dumps the penis into a surgical pan.

Later on, in the scrub room, Burke and I were washing up after the surgery, both of us in disbelief.

"Ouch. If she can fight the infection, she'll be fine," Burke said as he washed his hands for the third time.

"That all gonna depend on whether or not if she's going to wake up in the next 72 hours."_ Which I hope she does._

"You know we should get a drink later. You can tell me the long story of what makes a hot shot doc leave the Big Apple for Seattle."

"A short story actually. Your Chief of Surgery made me an offer I couldn't refuse." I start to walk out the door. _Like to have me in the running for Chief when he retires._

Burke looks confused and asks, "Richard asked you to come?"

"Yeah. Why?"_ I wonder why he wants to know._

"Oh nothing."

"See you later." I left Burke looking bewildered._ There is no telling what he's thinking. _

I decide to go and check on Allison to see how she's doing. As I approach, I see Meredith looking in on her through the window. "Meredith, I've called every hospital in the county. I don't know. Sooner or later the guy that did this is gonna seek medical attention and when he does, that penis you're carrying around is gonna nail him." I start to walk into the room. _I hope that rapist shows up soon so we can nail his ass. I don't understand how people can do things like this to others._

"Where is her family?"

"Doesn't have any."_ Which I can't believe._

"No siblings?"

"No. Both parents are dead. She moved to Seattle 3 weeks ago. Welcome to the city. Meredith, you okay?" I ask after noticing her still staring at Allison._ What's up with Meredith I wonder?_

"Yeah, I'm fine…I just have to do something. I have to go."

"All right. I'm gonna sit with her." I watch Meredith wander off._ Maybe she'll wake up while I'm here._

Later on, as I sit at a computer in the nurse's station outside Allison's room, Meredith approaches me. "How is she?"

"No change." _Unfortunately. _

"Have you been here all night?"

"Mmm hmm. Yup. You know I have 4 sisters? Very girly, tons of kids. If I was in a coma they'd all be here. I'd want them here. Not having no one, can't imagine that." I say looking at Allison._ I feel so bad about Allison not having anyone._

"I can." Meredith looks in Allison's room.

"What are you talking about? What about your mother? She'd be here ordering all the surgeons around. She'd fly these cowboys in from Prague to do these amazing medical procedures." _What does she mean by that?_

"That's true. I do have my mother."

I walk to Meredith. "So? We're kissing but we're not dating?"_ I wish I was dating her._

"I knew that was gonna come up."

I smile at her. "Don't get me wrong, I like the kissing. I'm all for the kissing. More kissing I say."_ I love to kiss her._

"I have no idea what that was about."

"Is it going to happen again? Because if it is I'm gonna need to bring breath mints. Put a condom in my wallet." _I love messing with her._

"Shut up now."

I start laughing. _I love aggravating her. It's just too easy._

"There's this baby up in the nursery. He's brand new. No one's neglected him or damaged him yet. How do we get from there to here? She's wearing my shoes and someone's beat the crap out of her. And she's got nobody."

I start to look a Meredith, but as I do Allison's monitor starts flat lining. I run in the room as Meredith pushes the code button. _No this cannot be happening._

"Her ICP's doubled. Get O.R. prepped for a craniotomy." I say as the code team rushes into the room and starts working on her as Meredith watches from outside the room. _Come on, Allison. You're a fighter. Don't give up on me just yet._

After I operated on Allison, I find Meredith waiting outside the O.R. As I'm pacing next to her, I say, "Hey…I ah had to leave her skull flap off until the pressure in her brain goes down." _I hope this surgery works._

"She's not gonna make it, is she?"

_I hope so…_ "She's gonna be fine," I reassure Meredith as I try to convince myself.

"If she ever wakes up."

Nodding I agree with her, "If she ever wakes up."_ Which I hope she does._

As I walk down the hall I spot Burke. "Now Dr. Burke! I'm off at 6. You wanna get the drink we talked about?"

"I don't think so."

_I wonder why…_ "Well what about tomorrow night?"

"Shepherd, you should know that Richard promised Chief to both of us. But you knew that already?" Burke asks me with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Keep you friends close and your enemies closer." _This is a philosophy I live by._

"You're not the enemy. You're just the competition." Burke nods and smiles at me. He walks off as I head in the opposite direction.

As I stand at the nurses station later on talking on the phone, I look over towards Allison's room to see her eyes start to flutter open. "Welcome back," I say to her walking into her room. _ Yes. She's awake. Finally._

I slowly make my way towards the elevator to head home. As I am texting away on my phone to an old buddy of mine, Meredith walks up and looks at me. "So, it's intense. This thing I have for uh ferry boats I mean." _ I love trying to start conversations._

Meredith smiles at me. "I'm so taking the stairs this time." She turns and walks off towards the stairs.

"You have no self control. It's sad. Really," I call after her. _ I think I'm falling in love with her._


	3. Winning the Battle, Losing the War

A/N: I do not own anything dealing with Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did. This story is going to be based on Derek's POV in season one. Enjoy. R/R please.

GossipGirl17: Thanks for the tip. Tell me what you think.

Winning the Battle, Losing the War

_I hope this day is better than this past week has been. _On my way to work today, I run into Dr. Bailey on a street corner. "Morning Dr. Bailey."

Holding up a hand, she says, "Shut up."

_What's up her ass this morning. I hate it when residents think they rule the world. _"You realize that I'm an attending and you're only a resident? That you work for me, right?"

Ignoring me, she starts murmuring to herself, "I know I've forgotten something. Something is happening today. I know I should know what it is, but I just can't…" and with that she shakes her head.

_Ok. That was weird. Residents now days. They're crazy. _"All right, nice talking with you Dr. Bailey."

"It's right in front of my face…" she mutters again.

As I start to walk across the street, I feel Bailey grab me and yank me back. _What the hell is she doing?_ And then I saw it as Dr. Bailey says, "Ah, doctor!" Several bike riders race past, and a few of them crash. We try to avoid them. _Oh, God. I remember now too. It's the day of the Dead Baby Bike Race. _"Now I remember! Oh, Dr. Shepherd come here. Watch out. Watch out," Dr. Bailey looks at the bikers around us racing.

_This is chaotic. I do not know why people do this stupid shit. This is one of the busiest days of the year._

_So now my day consists of idiot bike riders trying to win shots of tequila. _To start off this "glorious" day, I walk into a consult to find Izzie and Cristina fighting over a John Doe._ Why are the interns so selfish. God, it's just a patient. Why can't they work together on it?_ Overhearing something Izzie said about a miracle, I come in the room. "I know. You're right. Miracles happen. People do wake up, that's why we do a series of tests over a set number of hours, so when we call time of death, we know that we've done everything in our power to make sure it's actually his time of death. But there isn't going to be any miracles. This is the hard part. To stand around as surgeons and not cut. That's what 'do no harm' means."With that I leave the room. _That'll show them. I love to make interns think about the stupid shit they do._

As I head through the E.R., I glance through a window to see Meredith kissing a patient. _What the hell is she doing? She'll kiss him willingly but not me?_ Meredith looks up and sees me and walks out of the room towards me. "What do you want?" she asks smiling.

"You make out with patients now?" _I want to know why she kissed that guy._

"What are you jealous?"

_Hell yeah. I'm jealous. Why does that guy get to kiss you at freewill and I can't._ "I don't get jealous." _I don't want her to know I get jealous that easily. It might scare her off._

"We had sex, once."

_Yeah, we did._ "And we kissed, in an elevator." _And man was that one great make out session._

"And we kissed in a elevator, once!" she corrects me.

_Maybe this is my chance. Maybe she'll say yes this time._ "No, seriously, I mean come on, go out with me."

"No," she says bluntly.

_I'll guilt trip her. Tell her that I almost got ran over by a biker today. That will convince her to go out with me. _"You know, I almost died today. Yeah, I came like this close," I say, gesturing with my arms. "How would you feel if I died? And you didn't get a chance to go out with me?"

"Get over yourself already."

_She's crazy for me. I can feel it. _Smiling, I say, "Come on."

"It's the chase, isn't it?"

_What the hell does she mean by that._ "What?"

"The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss, you know it's against the rules, you know I keep saying no. It's the chase."

"Well, it's fun, isn't it?" _I guess I am just in it for the chase. But I'm loving it. Chasing Meredith is the most fun I've had since Addison._

"You see? This is a game to you. But not to me. Because unlike you, I still have something to prove." She walks out of the room.

Later on that day, Meredith approaches me in the hallway to ask me some advice on the John Doe. _Why is she asking for my advice when she just literally insulted me?_ "You're asking my advice?" _I'm amused though that she thinks of me in that way to come to me for advice._

"Yes."

"Now who's chasing?" _I love it when I can use what she insulted me with against her._

"Not funny. This is important."

"Okay. You want to get around Burke? You gotta find a way to get the Chief involved." _Why am I helping her again? I have no clue why. Man am I whipped or what?_

_Thank God that we found this man's family._ I lead a woman named Shelly into the room.

"Oh my God. Kevin…"

_I always hate this part. Telling families that their loved ones will not be coming home. _"It's okay to…"

"Oh my God."

I point to Izzie. "This is ah Dr. Stevens." _Hopefully Izzie can help me on this. _"Now if you have any questions at all, please, please call me." I leave the room, leaving Izzie to deal with the issue at hand. Organ donation.

I head to the locker room to relax for just a moment. _Hopefully no one will be in there so I can get some time to think and be able to hear myself think. _I unfortunately find Meredith about to beat the shit out of Alex.

"And for the record, you smell like crap!" I hear Meredith scream at Alex. She turns to her locker and realizes along with Alex that Derek is standing there. _What is up with these interns today and fighting? First Cristina and Izzie and now Meredith and Alex. I wonder what the hell happened to cause Meredith to jump Alex like that._

"She attacked me." Alex exclaims. Meredith then proceeds to actually attack Alex.

So I intervene. "Meredith, Meredith, Meredith!" _Why is this girl going so crazy? I'm glad that I'm on her good side._ I grab her arms to prevent her from hurting Alex. I turn back to Alex. "You know you might want to leave. Before I change my mind and let her beat you to a pulp with her tiny ineffectual fists." I lead Alex out the door and turn around to face Meredith. _Why do I have to treat the interns like little elementary kids._ "What?"

"Nothing. It's just… Nothing." Meredith slams her locker door and attempts to leave.

I open the door for her. _I wonder what is on her mind. I wish she would talk to me. To trust me. Like she did earlier when she asked my advice._

The next day, I try to find Meredith. _I need to get to the bottom of what happened yesterday. And maybe actually get her to finally say yes to dating me._ I find her in the locker room getting ready to go home for the day. "It's not the chase."

Meredith looks up at me. "What?"

_Here we go._ "You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's…it's your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair."

Smiling she asks, "My hair?"

Nodding, I say, "Smells good. And you're very, very, bossy. Keeps me in line." _Maybe this is working finally. Only one could hope._

"I'm still not going out with you."

_Damn it._ I just smile and nod. "You say that now." I leave the room to let her thing about what I left hanging in front of her.


	4. No Man's Land

A/N: I do not own anything dealing with Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did. This story is going to be based on Derek's POV in season one. Enjoy. R/R please.

No Man's Land

_Man, I hate early surgeries. Why do I always sign up for the early surgeries? I guess I do it to get out early._ As I was walking to the scrub room, Meredith comes out of the locker room.

"You're here early," Meredith says looking at me surprised.

"I have a chordotomy at 5:00. I'll be out at 6:00. I thought I might buy your breakfast before your rounds." _Please say yes. I am trying so hard to get this girl to accept my offers, but she never does._

"I've already eaten."

_Damn it. Shot down again. _"What'd you have?"

"None of your business."

_Damn she's feisty today. Maybe teasing her will open her up again._ "You a cereal person? Straight out of the box? Or all fruit and fiber-y? Pancakes? Do you like pancakes?" I ask laughing.

"Fine, leftover grilled cheese. Curiosity satisfied?"

_Yes! Works every time._ "That's sad. It's pathetic. A good day starts with a good breakfast." _That might be why she's always grumpy. Lack of a good breakfast._

"Look, I'm not being seen with you in this hospital. Learn it, live it. It's unprofessional."

_What's up her butt this morning? She's normally not this grouchy. _"I'm just an attending getting to know one of his interns."

"He slept with the intern."

_Ouch. Why does she always bring that up? I wouldn't have done it if I would have known she was one of my interns._ "Barely knew her."

"And it should stay that way."

_Why does every girl I like either turn me away or cheat on me with my best friend?_ "You want me to be professional? I'll be professional."

"That's what I want."

_Fine! She wants to play hard to get. Then that's what she's gonna get._ "Then that's what you get."

"You're gonna be late for you chordotomy."

_Oh, man. She's right._ "Nice talking to you, Dr. Grey." With that I walk off.

Before I could even start my chordotomy, I get a call to Trauma for one of the weirdest ones I've seen. _How do people manage to get nails into their heads?_ I call Bailey to send me some of the interns to help on this one. _This could be a teaching case. A really good teaching case._

Meredith, George, and Alex are the lucky interns to help me on this one. Upon showing them the x-rays, Meredith says, "Those look like…"

"Nails," I confirm just as shocked as she is. _I can't believe this man has seven nails in his head. And I don't wanna know how he did it either._

"I can't see my hands," the patient says sounding scared.

"Oh my God! He's conscious," George says as he goes green, looking like he could pass out any minute.

"Breathe deeply George. You won't pass out," Alex says, trying to comfort George.

_Why does some interns have to be sissies. I wish George would grow up and get some balls. _Use 4 milligrams of morphine. Titrate up to 10. You know what? I don't want him to move." _I really don't want him to move. One wrong move and he'll be a goner. _

"I can't see." The man is getting restless.

Meredith tries reassuring the patient. "It's ok. We need you to be very still, Mr…"

The E.R. doctor interrupts her, "Cruz, Jorge Cruz. He tripped and fell down a flight of stairs holding a nail gun."

Alex looks excited now. "Sick."

_I honestly don't see how this guy survived this. A fall is one thing. But a fall with a nail gun shooting nails into your head is another thing. _"Somehow he managed to miss a blood vessel. That's a minor miracle. Optic nerve's been affected. Can you feel this? Numbness on his right side. What's our immediate concern?"

Meredith looks at me and answers immediately. "Infection."

_Why is she the one always answering when it's just these three? Is she finally coming around maybe?_ "Right. I wanna be pulling these nails out in the next half hour. I need a CT."

The E.R. doctor turns to me and says "CT's are down."

"What?" _Why does every time I need a CT in an emergency like this it is down?_

"They exchanged them out last night. Computer's crashed; have them back up by 1:00."

_The radiology department in this hospital is a joke._ "So typical. So what are the options?"

"A MRI?" George asks.

_Great! Not only is George a sissy, but he is also lacking common sense. _"No!"

Alex looks at George in disbelief. "Brillant. The man's got nails in his head. Let's put him in a giant magnet. You want films from three axis points and a C-arm in surgery."

_Finally some common sense shows it's head. _"Excellent! You guys dig up research and find out if this has ever happened before. Go!"

"My wife, my wife, my wife." Jorge keeps saying as he asks for his wife.

_This guy is very lucky to be alive. I hope we can figure out the safest way to get these nails out before his condition starts deteriorating._ "She's on the way."

"Your wife is on the way, Mr. Cruz," Meredith comforts the patient.

_Meredith should be responsible to keep him calm._ I look to Meredith. "Stay with him, keep him calm and look for changes."

Jorge starts freaking out, "Ohh. I can't see."

When Jorge's wife finally shows, I lead her to Jorge's room where Jorge and Meredith were talking.

"You'd say your health's been good recently?"

"Maybe some headaches. Nothing compared to now. Sona, that's my wife. Sona, she'll say, 'Why you think they call it a gun, moron?' She hates the damn things."

"With good reason."

I then take Sona into the room. "Baby?" she asks him.

"Sona. You are in so much trouble." He turns his head to look blindly in her direction.

_I hope to have a love like that when I get into trouble like that._ "Get a history from her before you scrub in," I order her.

"Ok."

"Thank you."

_Maybe there was something else that caused Jorge tripping and falling._ I am scrubbing in as Meredith informs me of something that might make more sense of this case. "Vertiginous or light-headedness?"

"Light-headed. Sometimes he'd have to brace himself to get out of bed."

_I knew there was another reason I love Meredith. She has more common sense that all the rest of the interns combined._ "Could be a million things. Simple orthostasis. What?" _I know that she probably already has this figured out._

"What made him fall down the stairs with a nail gun?"

"He said he tripped. Just because you hear hoof beats, don't assume zebras."

"Something caused him to lose consciousness and fall down the stairs. He could have a tumor."

_Yep, I knew she was up to something. But considering the issue at hand the nails come first. The other ideas later after I know he's going to survive._ "Look, I have no idaea why this guy's still alive, let alone moving and talking. Not a clue. Let's just get him through this before we start digging around for something else." _Maybe Alex and George have found something._ I call to the research room. "23 cases?" _Wow! Didn't expect that many to exist._

"One as attempted suicide," Alex informs me.

_Why would someone want to try to kill him or herself with a nail gun? That's ridiculous._ "Yeah, that doesn't count. Talk about procedure."

"Biggest problems were bleeding and infection, but the odds improved with shorter surgery times," George speaks up.

"Bottom line was get them out quickly and watch for bleeding," Alex includes.

_Okay, so that means be quick and precise. Get him in and out without killing him. This should be interesting._ "I got it. Other words, I'm on my own."

As I get ready to start the surgery, Jorge starts talking weird. "She had this thing for red when we met. Red car, red dresses, red hats. Personally, I hated the color. Too obvious, you know? But a couple years ago, I took her up to the mountains. She was in a red dress, and there was this field of red…poppies, I think. And she jumped out of the car and ran into them and started laughing…laughing at all the red."

_I think he's talking about his wife. Thinking about it I don't really like the color red either. I hope Meredith doesn't also. That would be my luck though._

"As you can see, the patient has shot seven nails directly into the skull without doing significant damage other than the optic nerve, and we may be able to save that. The idea is to remove the nails at exactly the angle they entered. Any wiggle, and we risk doing more damage that when they went in," Chief Webber informs the O.R. staff.

_Here goes nothing._ I start pulling the nails out slowly and carefully. "Gelfoam."

"Here you go." The nurse hands it to me.

_Now hopefully the bleeding will subside._ "Bleeding?"

"It's clean," the doctor assisting me says.

_Yes! Now we gotta hope that the optic nerve will fix itself._ "All right. Way to go, team. Good job, everybody. Thank you. I don't think we made it worse. The big question is the optic nerve. We'll know in the morning."

"Should I order the MRI?" Meredith asks me.

_She is always knows what to do next. But I don't want him to crash in the MRI._ "He needs to stabilize. We'll do it tomorrow."

The next day, I find Meredith to check on Jorge's condition. _I wonder what she had for breakfast today_. "Grilled cheese again?"

"Cold pizza."

_Okay. Now down to business. _"Is he awake?"

"Even better."

_Maybe he can see again._ "Really? Let's see what his nurse says. Hi, Sona, Jorge. How are you this morning?" I ask as I walk into the room.

"Tell them what color my dress is, Jorge," Sona says excitedly.

"I'd know the answer to that even if I couldn't see," Jorge replies.

_Yes! Now let's see if his memory is still intact._ "Can you tell me what you had for breakfast on Monday?"

"Cheese omelet. And on Sunday. And on Saturday. And on Friday. Sona gets up every morning and makes me a cheese omelet," He says as he laughs.

"It's the only thing he likes," Sona interjects.

"It's the only thing you know how to cook," Jorge points out.

_Well at least he still has a sense of humor._ "Ok, well, things look good. But I need Jorge to get an MRI this morning to check for residual bleeding. Ok?"

Later on, in the MRI tech room, I watch the screen for anything abnormal on Jorge's MRI. "There. That's a tumor. It's midline near the hypothalamus." _Damn. Meredith was right. As usual._

"Damn." Meredith looks at me in shock that she's right.

In Jorge's room, I tell him about the tumor. "Best practice, probably to remove the tumor. 'Probably' because I can't get it all. 99%, but not all of it. Radiation and chemo, you're looking at maybe five to ten good years." _If he can survive getting shot in the head with seven nails, I think he can survive a little tumor._

"Let's do it," Jorge agrees.

_But the downsides are worse than the treatment. _"You haven't heard the downside. See, the tumor is located in a part of your brain where your memory and your personality resides. And because of the fuzzy edges of this type of tumor, I have to cut out a lot. Jorge, you stand a good chance of losing your memories. Of losing who you are."

"Is there any other way?" Sona asks with a hint of concern in her voice.

"The alternative is gamma or cyber knife treatment with focus radiation. It's less evasive. There's little chance of memory loss or him losing himself, but it would only give Jorge maybe three to five years." _I hate this for Jorge. He's survived so much in the past 24 hours. And now he has this on his plate._

"Three to five years?" Sona asks.

"This is an incredibly difficult decision. If you have any more questions or you need to talk to me, I'm here, ok?" _I hope this ends well._

Jorge and Sona have decided to go with the surgery. "All right. I'll do my best." I look to Meredith. "Jorge and Sona want the surgery."

"They want you to cut it out?" She asks.

_I hope they made the right decision._ "Mm hmm. It's their decision."

Later on, I walk towards Jorge's room to check up on him before the surgery. I find Meredith trying to talk Sona out of the surgery in the hallway. "Meredith, what the hell are you doing?"_ Meredith is so hard headed. Why won't she leave things alone?_

"She needs to understand."

"I do understand. You think that I'm being selfish, that I don't want to give him up." Sona is starting to get annoyed.

"I don't," Meredith tells her.

"This is Jorge's decision. And if that means ten bad eyars for me, fine. I'll give him those years because I will give him whatever he wants."

_Man, now I have to apologize for Meredith. She never thinks before she does something. _"Look, I am so sorry, Sona. Just please forgive her. She's an intern…"

"And if he doesn't remember me, if he doesn't remember what we are, he's still my Jorge. And I'll remember for us both, Sona interrupts me.

"Ok, all right." _I hope she knows how strong she'll have to be for this._


	5. Shake Your Groove Thing

A/N: I do not own anything dealing with Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did. This story is going to be based on Derek's POV in season one. Enjoy. R/R please.

Shake Your Groovy Thing

As I'm walking down the hallway eating my breakfast, I see George and Meredith. _I cannot believe she got to hold the heart during Burke's procedure. _"Hey, I hear you did a [heart surgery] with Burke."

"Yeah," Meredith says unenthusiastically.

_I wonder if she got to hold the heart. I bet she loved it. _"Did you hold the heart?"

"Yeah." Another unenthusiastic answer.

_I remember the first time I held a heart. It was like an adrenaline rush. I wonder why Meredith looks like she's worried about something._ "It's an amazing feeling. You never forget your first time."

"It was pretty great just to watch. Vicarious thrills, you know?" George includes.

"Yeah." Meredith just glances up at Derek.

As Meredith and George get into the elevator, I look at Meredith. "See you later."

"Bye."

_Something is up with her. I wish she would open up to me or at least go to Cristina. It's not good to keep feelings bottled up inside of you._

Outside a patient's room, I listen to Alex's diagnosis. "Exaggerated and over specific description of his pain, self prescription, 'pow, pow, pow'? He's a Dilautid junkie."

_Why do people insist on getting certain drugs. Let's see if Alex knows what to do._ "So what do you do?"

"Well, you check the database for history, refer to a program, discharge."

_He's on the right track._ "After you give him something."

"That's exactly what he wants."

_Well he's right. But considering we're doctors we have to treat every symptom as if it's true._ "Junkie or not, you still have to treat his pain as if it were real." And my pager starts going off.

"Why?"

_Time to give Alex a lesson in pain management._ "First rule in pain management: always work on the side of caution. He's in our care. He says he's in pain. Start a central line, his veins are shot." With that I walk off, leaving Alex to think.

Later on, I thought I would check on Mr. Frost, Alex's pain management case. I find him writhing in pain. _Why do these interns never listen._ "Hey, Mr. Frost. We're going to take care of you. Just hang on."

"Where the hell have you been?" he screams in pain.

_Where the hell is Alex? I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind._ I find Alex in the research room. "When I tell you to start a central line, you start a central line. No judgement, no question."

"The guy's been in seven hospitals in the last 4 months. He's a major addict."

_Why doesn't he listen? I'm sick of his smartass._ "The patient has a three lumbar fusion."

"He's a junkie. I mean we shouldn't be giving him--"

_He's starting to piss me off. _"Yeah! He's an addict. But his pain is real. Now, lose the attitude, get down there, start a central line." Alex gets up and huffs out of the room.

_I'm gonna go find Meredith. Maybe I can try to find out what's bugging her._ I find Meredith looking over a file. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good."

_She's lying. I wish she would open up to me._ "Are you sure, 'cause you seem not okay."

"I'm fine. [Surgery] was long."

_Maybe she'll accept a dinner offer._ "Well, let me take you out to dinner tonight. You can tell me all about it. Real food, waiters, big chunks of carbs in a basket."

"I can't."

_Oh yeah, the interns are having a party tonight at Meredith's._ "Forget about the party."

"You know about the party?"

_Why do the interns think we don't know everything they do?_ "Your friends will be at the party. You and I can be alone somewhere else."

"How do you know about the party?"

_Attendings have their ways of finding things out. Interns obviously don't understand that._ "Thanks for not inviting me by the way. That felt good. Dinner, think about dinner, perfect opportunity."

"Well--" and her beeper starts going off.

_I'll let her thing about it._ I walk the opposite direction.

Later, I find Meredith on the phone. "And the notary can be there at 6:30 too? And the home's physician will be there to attest to her mental competency. Okay, is there anything else I need to brind besides my license? my checkbook. 6:30, I'll be there."

_Maybe the patient's heart was the problem in Meredith's mind the whole time._ "I heard."

"It's a notary thing. A thing to get notarized."

_She thought I heard her on the phone._ "I'm talking about the heart thing. Do you want to talk about it?"

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"

_I'm really worried about her. And I wonder what the notary thing is about. And that's also the same time as her party tonight._

Since I can't help Meredith at this moment in time, I decide to go and check on Mr. Frost. As I walk into the room, Mr. Frost sees me. "Doc! Feeling pretty good. The pain's about a 3."

_Wow! Either he's a junkie or he was in a lot of pain. Maybe Alex was right._ "A three? That's excellent. Mr. Frost, I'm glad we could help you out. As well as County, Mercy West, Seattle Presbyterian, a lot of people helped you out, Jerry. Pleased we could do our part. Who's on discharge today, Dr. Karev?"

"Izzie Stevens."

_Here comes the hard part. Getting this junkie some help outside of the hospital._ "Mr. Frost, Dr. Stevens is going to come in here and discharge you."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't discharge me. I'm in pain."

_Okay. Now time to go in for the kill._ "You were in pain. Now you're not. Dr. Karev is going to recommend some wonderful treatment programs for you. Go home. Get some help."

"You can't just do that."

I leave before I say something I might regret. I go to find Izzie in with a patient discharging him. "Dr. Stevens, discharge my guy in 342." And I walk out.

I get a page later that night that Mr. Frost has fell and is unresponsive. _So much for a peaceful night. _"That was one hard fall. What do you see?"

"Subdural bleed," Izzie says.

"With midline shift," Alex includes.

_Okay sometimes the interns can be smarter than I give them credit for._ "We have to evacuate this now. Anywhere else you have to be, Dr. Stevens, or are you in?"

"Brain surgery?"

"Mmhmm."

"Are you kidding me?"

_I love it when the interns are game for anything._ "That's what I thought."

In the surgery…

"See it?"

"It's hard to miss," Alex says looking at what Derek was talking about.

"A little more than he bargained for."

"Maybe he's lucky. Maybe this is his way out of the hole."

_Alex can be funny when he wants to be._ "The hole? Interesting expression."

"My father was into smack pretty heavey. He was a musician. It's tolerated in his line of work, not good for the family at home," Alex confesses to me.

In the scrub room after surgery…

"Can you guys see him through recovery?" _I think I'm going to go find Meredith. I think that they can handle it._

"Yeah, I'll take it," Alex says.

"No, I can di it," Izzie argues.

"It's okay, Stevens."

"No, he's my patient now,too."

"No, I got it. See your hockey player. I'm serious."

"Yeah, okay. I guess. Thatnks, Alex."

"No problem."

After listening to them argue, I head over to Meredith's house to check on her. I find her drunk outside her house. "You know, in some states, you could get arrested for that."

_She's even hotter drunk. I guess this is her way of blowing off steam after a hard day._ "So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila. Tequila's no good for ya. It doesn't call. It doesn't write. It isn't nearly as much fun to wake up to." She smiles at me and pulls me in for a kiss. _Okay maybe tequila is good for her. I like her like this. Not playing hard to get. I hate it when she plays hard to get._

"Take me for a ride, Derek."

In my car, we do things I never thought we would do again. Much less in my car. I am in the driver's seat with no shirt on with Meredith straddling me with just a bra on. "You know, it sounds like the party's winding down. Listen to me. We should probably sneak inside, though."

"We've done enough sneaking for the night. It was good sneaking, but enough sneaking."

"Yeah, I think we're good sneakers." We start kissing again. I then hear a knock at the window. _Who the hell is that knocking?_ I look up to find Dr. Bailey looking in on us.

"You mind moving this tail wagon? You're vlocking me in?"

"Apparently not good enough." _When it comes to Bailey, we suck at sneaking._

The next morning, I find Meredith after her meeting. "Meredith, you okay?"

"Yeah. One month probation."

"Good. That's good." _I'm so glad that she didn't get fired._


	6. If Tomorrow Never Comes

A/N: I do not own anything dealing with Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did. This story is going to be based on Derek's POV in season one. Enjoy. R/R please.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

_So Meredith has been avoiding me since that night in my car. At least Bailey hasn't let it leak out to the other interns and residents. I would never hear the ending of it if that had happened._ I pull up next to Meredith in the parking lot and get out of my car.

Meredith looks at me and says, "Crap."

_Okay…why is she saying crap?_ "Crap?"

"Hi. I'm late."

_She's doing what she does best. Avoiding me and the subject._ "You're avoiding me."

"Yes, but also late."

_I wish she would open up to me without tequila in her system. She needs someone to talk to._ "Ok, are we going to talk about this?"

"No," she states bluntly.

_Does she realize that Bailey can bust us and get both of us in huge trouble?_ "About us and Bailey and what she saw?"

"I don't need to talk about it. I experienced it, naked.

_Why does things have to be so complicated?_ "This is getting complicated."

"Complicated for me. I'm the intern sleeping with the attending. Bailey isn't speaking to me anymore."

_Well sometimes that is a good thing. That way you can piss the "Nazi" off and get away with it._ "Not that that's a bad thing. If I was a better guy, I'd walk away."

"Yes, you would."

_I wonder what she thinks. Should I be a better guy?_ "Do you want me to be a better guy?"

"Yes."

We enter the hospital and walk towards the elevators. I push the elevator button. She looks at me. "No. crap. I'm late." She walks away.

"Take your time. Think about it." _Just don't wait till your ninety._

During rounds, Bailey and the interns come around to the room I just so happen to be in.

"Morning," Bailey says eyeing me suspiciously.

"Mr. Levangie, this is Dr. Bailey and her fine staff of surgical interns," I say to the patient having issues with walking. _I wonder what Bailey is thinking. And what's up with Meredith. It's not like it was the Chief that saw us._

"Welcome to hell, kids," Mr. Levangie looks towards the interns.

Bailey turns towards the interns. "Who's presenting?"

George steps up to the plate. "Edward Levangie is a 63 year old man admitted for pain management for Dyskinesia. He's been stable since last night, and responding to the bolus injections."

"Izzie, possible treatments?" Bailey asks.

"For Parkinson's disease? Um, deep brain stimulation has shown…"

_Why do these interns always answer the wrong questions?_ "Not for Parkinson's, for spinal pain."

"Oh, um…"

Meredith interrupts, "Intraspinal catheter. That way, he can have constant pain medication."

"Excellent. This is Dr. Grey. She's gonna prep you for the procedure and assist." _Why does Meredith always know the right answer? I hope the interns don't think I'm favoring her._ My pager starts beeping. "Excuse me."

Bailey then turns to the interns. "You make yourselves busy. I'll catch up with you." Bailey follows me out and into the elevator.

"Miranda." _She hates being called that._

"Excuse me?" she asks with an attitude attached.

_I love messing with her. It's so easy to do. Just like it is with Meredith._ "Well, that's your name, right? It's on your jacket. All right, fine. I'll just call you Bailey then."

"You think you're charming in that talented, neurotic, overly moussed hair sort of way, good for you. But if you think I'm going to stand back and watch whild you favor her…"

I interrupt her, "I don't favor her. She's good." _Why is she doing this? I expected this from the interns but from her._

"I'm sure she is," she says with a smirk on her face.

The elevator opens and as Bailey steps out, I add, "You know, can I point out that, technically, I'm your boss?"

She turns around. "Youdon't scare me. Look, I'm not going to advertise you extracurricular activities with my intern. However, the next time I see you favoring Meredith Grey in any way, I'll make sure she doesn't see the inside of an OR for a month. Just for the sake of balance." As the elevator door closes, she walks away.

_Shit, I hope that Meredith doesn't get anything else right till this blows over._

Later on, I'm looking over Annie Connors films.

"That right hemidiaphragm is so high that it's completely displacing her lung tissue," Burke says worriedly.

_Wow. This girl is messed up._ "It's infiltrated her spinal canal in three places. We should start there. It's going to take 3 or 4 hours to get around those nerves."

"I'd prefer to start in front, and then flip her. You never know what kind of vessels are involved, how intertwined they are. I'm going to need a good head start," Burke includes.

_He's got a point. But if I don't get in on the spinal cord, she'll most likely be paralyzed._ "I should really go with the spine fresh, if I miss a step, she's paralyzed."

"If I don't relieve the pressure on her lungs, she'll be dead. So, she won't mind if she can't walk."

Bailey decides now to interject. "Do you think she really wants to live? Come on. She's been housebound. She's been living under this thing, just watching it grow for how long? She doesn't seem stupid. Doesn't even seem all that scared. Why would anyone wait this long unless they wanted to die?"

_That idea is ridiculous. This girl deserves every chance to live. Why not give her one._ "People do things every day that they know could kill them. Doesn't mean they want to die."

Bailey looks at Burke. "What are her chances of surviving the surgery?"

"Slightly better than if we do nothing," Burke answers.

"So is it worth it? Hey, come on. You were already thinking it, I'm just saying," Bailey says as she looks at me and Burke.

"She's 43. It's worth a try," Burke says trying to sound hopeful.

_I hope that she can survive the surgery. But I love the look on Bailey's face right now._ "Ha! Morning."

I walk out to find Meredith standing in the hallway. "Dr. Shepherd, Mr. Levangie, the Parkinson's patient, is he a good candidate for DBS?"

_What is she up to now? Why can't she just stop getting into stuff like this?_ "Yes, but he's not interested."

"Ok, but I think it's worth talking to him again, pushing him."

_Man, she's getting annoying with stuff like this. She's an intern. I'm the one that supposed to be the one with the ideas. Just because she's been right a few times before doesn't mean she can second guess me on every case._ "We're talking about a brain surgery that is performed while the patient is wide awake, a risk of paralysis, a risk of death. And, the patient doesn't want it. It is not my job to push him into anything and it's definitely not yours."

"Ok." Meredith looks at me like a kid that just got scolded.

_And to prove a point to Bailey that I do not favor Meredith, I'm not gonna let her scrub in._ "Since you are clearly uncomfortable with my decision in this case, it's probably best you don't scrub in."

"But…" Meredith looks like her life relied on this surgery.

_Don't give in. I've gotta prove a point._ "It's a minor procedure. You won't be missed." Meredith walked away as soon as I said that. _I feel guilty. But I had to do it._ I look to Bailey. "You know, they call you the Nazi."

"So I've heard." She walks in the opposite direction from me.

After lunch, I head over to Mr. Levangie's room. "How's your back?"

"Still good," he replies.

"Good." I look over to his daughter. "How are you? Good?" I then turn back to Mr. Levangie. "Can you lean forward for me? I just want to check something. Does that feel ok?"

"Yeah."

"Right here?" I ask as I touch another spot. Then Meredith walks in.

"Did you page?" she looks at me confused.

_Ok. I'm a softy. I'm gonna try to change Mr. Levangie's mind._ "Mr. Levangie, have you given any more thought about the other surgical options we discussed this morning?"

"What? Why would I? I already told you no. I'm letting you cut into my back, but that's not enough for you. All you guys ever want to do is cut."

"Dad, just listen to what he has to say," his daughter tries to convince him.

"I already listened."

_Why does she always put me in a bad position?_ "Sir, there's a very small window of opportunity here. You know, once the Parkinson's progresses to a point of dementia, there's, you know, you're no longer a candidate for DBS."

"And when I'm no longer a candidate, is that when you people will leave me the hell alone! What? Do I have to start drooling, and forget my name to get a little peace and quiet?"

_Oh, well. It was worth a shot. Why does she have me whipped so bad?_ "All right. I'll check back with you later. Try to get some rest." And I walk out of the room.

As I scrub in later for Annie Connor's tumor removal, Meredith walks in. "Dr. Shepherd."

_What does she want now?_ "Yes?"

"Mr. Levangie has agreed to DBS. If we do it today. If he leaves, he won't come back."

Burke looks to me. "Don't worry, Dr. Shepherd. It'll take hours before we get around to the spine. I'll page you.

_Ok then. Well I hope it's worth it._ "All right, then. Let's do it."

In Mr Levangie's OR:

"Neuro sponge," a nurse says as she hands it to me.

_So far, so good._ "How you doing, Mr Levangie?"

"All right."

"Drill bit's charged," the nurse informs me.

"Where's blondie?" he asks of Meredith.

"I'm right here. Can't you see me?" she asks.

"I'm shaky. I'm not blind. Anything goes wrong here, I'm blaming you."

"Ok, in that case, I'll stay where you can see me. Now we just have to drill a hole and try to find the spot that controls the motor function."

_She's great with patients. Her bedside manner is perfect._

"You can't see my brain from there. Aren't you supposed to be learngin something?"

"I'm good, right here." Meredith moves to hold Mr. Levangie's hands.

"EEG waves look good," the nurse says.

_Keep my fingers crossed that this works. Please work._ "Ok, Mr. Levangie. Just take a couple deep breaths. Focus on the pretty girl. Ok, this is going to sound really scary, but try and relax. You shouldn't feel a thing." I start drilling into his skull.

Another doctor comes in to get Mr. Levangie to mimic his motions so I know when I'm in the right spot. "Just keep trying, Mr. Levangie. Mimic my motions. You can do it."

Meredith cheers him on. "You're doing great, Mr. Levangie. Just a little longer."

"Oh, damn it!" Mr. Levangie yells.

"Take a berath and try again. one more time, Mr. Levangie," the doctor tells him.

"The probe is almost in. You'll know it when we find the right spot," Meredith says trying to keep the man's spirits up.

At that moment, Mr. Levangie stops shaking and mimics the doctor perfectly.

"Well, how about that?" the doctor asks.

_Yes! I did it._ "There it is."

Mr. Levangie gets excited. "I'll be a son of a bitch."

As I push Mr. Levangie back to his room, I explain to Meredith why I did what I did earlier that day. "Bailey was on the warpath. I was trying to protect you." _I hope she can understand this. And why I did it for her._

"You trying to protect me is why she's on the warpath. You can't do me favors. You can't ask me to scrub in when I haven't earned it."

_I'm glad she understands. And she has a point. Did she really earn that early. I thought she did._ "Ok, ok."

"And you can't treat me like crap when I haven't earned that either."

_Another good point. I gotta give her credit._ "Ok."

"I can take care of myself into this mess, and I…"

_She thinks she can get herself out of this alone. I don't think so._ "And you'll get yourself out?"

"I don't …know that yet."

My pager goes off as we get to the elevator. "Don't let me keep you." Meredith looks at me.

_She did great with Mr. Levangie today. I never knew she has skills like that._ "You did great work here today."

"Dr. Shepherd."

_Oh, God. What's she going to say now?_ "Yeah?"

"Sorry I called you a jackass."

_I don't recall her calling me that. Hmmm…_ "You didn't."

"I did. Twice."

Mr. Levangie interjects. "Tell you what, blondie. If you don't marry him, I will."

_Great, looks like I now have competition._

After leaving Meredith unrelucantly with Mr. Levangie, I head over to Annie's surgery to see if they're ready for me. "How's it going?"

"It's more intertwined than the studies made it look." Burke looks worried.

"Hang another bag, call the blood bank. We need more O-negative." Bailey looks just as worried.

_What have I gotten ourselves into this time?_

"I'm down 10 units of blood and I haven't even flipped her yet," Burke updates me on what I missed.

"Oh, wow. Look at that. Now how am I supposed to get around that artery? All right, then. Forceps."

About that time, Izzie comes in the OR. "Mr. Harper, the post-op heart patient in 2114. I had to open his sternotomy bedside."

_What is up with these interns today?_

"You what?" Burke looks at her incredulously.

Everyone in the gallery and the OR look at her in awe and including me say, "What?"

"He had cardiac tamponade. His chest films were clean this morning. It just…it happened fast. He was in PEA. There was no time."

I look over to Burke. "Go ahead. I got it. We're ok here."

"Ok." Burke walks out of the OR with Izzie.

"I need some retraction. Pull back on the retractor." _These interns are getting too adventurous for my taste._

Not realizing that the intercom was on in the scrub room, Alex and Izzie start fighting where everyone can hear them.

"You opened a heart bedside and you couldn't even page me? What needed all the glory for yourself, right?" Alex yells at Izzie.

"I paged you 50 times. Do you have any idea what I have been through?" she yells back.

Alex then realizes he never changed his pager battery. "Oh, man. The battery. I forgot to change it."

"You forgot? You forgot?!" Izzie grabs Alex's dead pager, throws it on the ground, and jumps up and down on it till it breaks. "You are hateful! You are a hateful, hateful, lazy, arrogant, hateful man! Hateful!" Izzie walks out of the scrub room.

_And the drama is never ending with the interns, too._ "Never a dull moment here at Seattle Grace." Then a blood vessel of Annie's bursts, sending blood all over me and Bailey. "Oh!"

"Oh, my God," Bailey says with concern lacing her voice.

"Get right in there." _I spoke too soon. I knew something bad was going to happen._

"She can't afford to los this much blood. We need more blood."

_Oh, no. This isn't a good sign._ "Get me some suction here. I can't see what I'm doing. Clamp, clamp, clamp, please. Is there any blood in the rapid infuser?"

The nurse looks at me. "We're waiting on two units."

"What do you mean, waiting?" I ask her.

Bailey then says, "Well, we didn't anticipate this much blood loss."

"They're on their way." The nurse tries to reaffirm me about the blood.

"We prepped a double supply. We've used it all." Bailey is getting frustrated.

"What did you cut?" _Damn it! What did we do wrong?_

"Nothing. It just blew. She came in with too much damage. The artery walls are too weak," she informs me.

I hear Alex still in the scrub room. "Annie, come on."

"Ten units of O-negative," Bailey urges the nurses.

_I can't see a thing. Please don't let her die on me now. She's been through too much._ "I cannot see. George, give me your hand. Push right down here. Pull it towards you. Suction! Suction!"

"The pressure's dropping," the nurse yells.

_Where the hell is that blood? It shouldn't take this long._ "She needs blood. Where the hell is the blood?"

I hear Alex leave the scrub room.

"Somebody grab that. Push it back, George. Come on. Oh, God. Just squeeze it off right there. Here we go. Some suction, please, in here, now. Come on. We're losing her now. Look at this. Look at this. Come on." I start CPR. _This isn't good. Why is this happening?_ "Oh, come on! Come on! Come on!" I stop the CPR and look at the clock. "Time of death is 11:42."

At that moment Alex runs into the OR. "I got it."

_Too late. Damn it._

That night as I walk out of the hospital, I see Meredith just standing there in the rain. "I, um, know this place where there's an amazing view of sunrise over the ferryboats." She pulls a bottle of wine from her bag.

_Yes! I finally got her. Except this time she asked me. _"I have a thing for ferryboats."

"I remember."

I open the car door for her. Before I can make it back around to my door she has it opened for me. _I am so lucky._


	7. The Self Destruct Button

A/N: I do not own anything dealing with Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did. This story is going to be based on Derek's POV in season one. Enjoy. R/R please. I also started school back this week. I am going to try to finish up this fanfic because I would love to continue into Season 2. So I will let you all know when I come up with the name so you can subscribe to that one also. Thanks for reading!!

The Self Destruct Button

I wake up this morning to Meredith's alarm clock going off. _No, not yet. I don't want this to end yet._ I reach around her to cuddle.

"You have to get up now," Meredith informs me.

_I wonder what time it is. It can't be time yet, can it?_ "What? My God, what time is it?" As I asked that Meredith rolls over on top of me.

"It's 5:20, and I have pre-rounds. And you have to leave before they see you."

_Why is she worrying with Izzie and George? They are not going to tell. I trust them with anything._ "Oh, come on, now. Why don't you just let them see?" I roll on top of her.

"No!"

_And why not? _"Please!"

"No, No!" _She's no fun in the mornings._

After getting dressed, I sneak out the back of the house. _I hope Izzie and George didn't see me. Only one could hope at least._

I arrive at the hospital and start working on patients. I look up to see Bailey, George, and Meredith.

"O'Malley, patients are waiting. You two come with me. Izzie, you're hanging with me today. Good morning, Dr. Shepherd," Bailey says as she enters the room.

_Man, Meredith looks exhausted._ "Dr. Bailey. Late night, Grey?"

She looks at me. "No, caffeine just hasn't kicked in yet."

Bailey looks over to her, "If you're at all religious, you would want to start praying that it kicks in soon. There's a consult in the pit. Girl with a fever and abdominal pain. After that, Nicholas in 3311 needs his meds. Mr. Moeller's IV fell out, and he's a hard stick. Postops in 1337, 3342, 3363, 2381."

"1337, 3342, 3363, and 23..." Meredith says to confirm what she heard.

"Why are you still standing in front of me?" Bailey screams at Meredith as she turns to leave. She then looks at Izzie. "You look more like me than you right now. What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Izzie says.

_What is up with these interns? There seems to be something always going on between them. And it doesn't seem like a good thing._

Later on, I'm in surgery and see George watching me from the scrub room. _He obviously wants something. I wonder what that could be._ "Ok, I think we're in good shape here."

"I think so, Dr. Shepherd," the nurse says.

"Looks good."_ Surgery is such a high. Especially when it's going great._

An x-ray tech walks in with some CTs. "Here you go, doc. The kid's CTs just arrived from County."

_Finally. It took them long enough._ "Thanks."

_I love it when surgery's over. It's even more of a high to know the patient made it through alive._ "Will you close up for me? Thank you everyone."

After I scrub out, I head in search of some coffee. _These late nights with Meredith are starting to get to me. I hate to give them up though._ I see George walking up.

"Dr. Shepherd…"

_Why now? I am in major need of coffee._ "I got to get some coffee."

"Jamie Hayes has been admitted. The little girl with the brain abnormality."

_Great. Now I can hopefully find a fix for this little girl._ "How's she presenting?"

"She has what looks like continuous seizure activity in her left foot. Her balance is off. Her parents have come a long way to find out what's wrong."

I look at the CT films. "How old are these?"

"Three months old."

_A lot can change in three months. That's another thing interns need to learn. Anything can change in a matter of minutes._ "I need new ones. Her brain could look dramatically different today."

"Ok, I'll order them…"

"Thank you." I have already gotten on the elevator. The door closes before George can finish.

I head to Jamie's room to check on the little girl. "You look like a princess. Do you know you're a princess?"

"It's not lipstick," Jamie insists.

_I can't wait to get married and have kids as long as they all act as good as Jamie does._ "It's not lipstick? No, it's not lipstick. Want to do my shoulder? Oh, good."

Jamie smiles at me. "And nose?"

_I hope that I can fix this little angel._ "We're gonna find out what's causing these seizures. Does MRI know we're coming down?"

George looks at me. "You said CT."

"Now I'm saying MRI." _Why don't interns plan ahead for things like this?_

"It's available."

_I'm glad he checked at least._ "Good."

Mr. Hayes asks me with concern lacing his voice, "Doctor, is she gonna need surgery?"

_I'm hoping the MRI will tell me that answer._ "I don't know yet."

He looks at me. "It's just that my wife and I, we both work and I don't know if our insurance…"

"We know it can be very expensive," Mrs. Hayes interject.

_I don't like it when patient's families think about the money over their loved one's cared._ "I don't want you to worry about that."

Jamie's leg started twitching quickly. _Great. Just what I need._ "It's a focal, left-side seizure. Ok, let's get the diazepam running now, please."

The nurse repeated the order to me. "Diazepam, IV."

_I have to get this to stop without scaring Jamie anymore than she already is._ "Tourniquet, please. Jamie, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna put this on your arm, ok? Isn't that fun? Here, we're gonna put that right there, like that. And this is gonna feel cold. This is a butterfly. Butterfly lands right there. Good. Blanket for the butterfly. Good, nicely done." Jamie's leg stops twitching. _Thank you, God!_ "It's amazing stuff, isn't it?"

Mrs. Hayes agrees, "Um hmm."

"Hey, you like spaceships?" I ask Jamie, still trying to keep her as calm as possible.

"Yeah," she answers excitedly.

_Ok. It is much easier when I can connect the MRI machine to something a kid likes._ "You do? Ok, should we take Captain O'Malley, my first lieutenant, to the spaceship MRI. Let's go."

Looking over Jamie's MRI results with her parents, I discover the problem. "It's called Rasmussen's encephalitis. What it amounts to is that this side of her brain… This part's all healthy, working perfectly. This black part of the brain, this…all of that is dead, or dying. The condition has gotten radically worse since her CT scans three months ago. Left untreated, the disease is gonna kill her." _I can't believe this girl is still alive._

"How soon?" her father asks.

"Too soon."

"So is there a cure?"

_I hate to do this but it's the only way._ "The treatment requires the diseased portion of her brain be removed and sealed off. See, eventually, the spinal fluid will fill the cavity."

"R-Remove? But, I mean, that's…"

"Half her brain, yes." _But it's the only way to save her._

"Half her brain. That…seems impossible," her mother says worriedly.

"Her age makes it possible. Her brain's not fully developed, so the remaining neurons will compensate for the loss."

"But will she be normal?" Mr. Hayes asks.

"There are risks to any surgery. And this is, you know, a major one. But if we're successful, Jamie could walk out of this hospital in a couple weeks, go on to live a relatively normal life. Look, I know this is a lot to digest. The important thing to remember is that we can save her life." _I hope that she doesn't have any major side effects._

"Thank you," Mrs. Hayes says gratefully. The Hayes family goes off with Jamie.

"Dr. O'Malley?"

"Yes? What?" He looks irritated at me.

"I'm sorry to bother you but if the parents consent I thought you'd like to scrub in on the hemispherectomy. Are you in, or not?"

"Uh, in."

"Good."

Scrubbing in later on Jamie's surgery:

_I hope he doesn't pull one of his 007 moves in here._

"I appreciate this. The chance to scrub in on this kind of procedure is, well…Yeah, I appreciate it."

"Here you go. Triple espresso, not too hot," a nurse says as she hands me my coffee.

"Oh, I love you, seriously."

"Ah, coffee, where would medicine be without it, huh?" Dr Taylor includes.

"I hope you have a new crossword, Taylor. We're gonna be here a while."

"Never go without. Big day for you, kid. Congrats."

"Thanks," George says.

"Hey, princess. You ready to take a nap?" I ask Jamie. _I hope this works. I don't know if I could handle it if something unplanned happened._

"Hey, look what I got," Dr. Taylor shows her.

"Blow bubbles, that's it. Just breathe in. Oh, that's it." I look over to George who looks concerned. "What?"

"Do you smell…?"

"Smell what? I have a mask."_ What the hell is he talking about?_

"Uh…I'm sorry, Dr. Taylor, but did you just…? Have you been drinking?"

Dr. Taylor looks at George in disbelief. "I beg your pardon?"

"What?" _What the hell is he thinking accusing him of that?_

"Do you smell…I…I smell alcohol."

"Where the hell do you get off accusing me of something like that?"

"George, you're out of line." _What is up with this group of interns. They keep doing shit for stupid reasons and getting themselves in trouble._

"There are rules. You know, there are rules for a reason. You just…There is a 2 year old girl on this table. You shouldn't take advantage of someone else's vulnerability."

Dr. Taylor is getting angry. "Look, I don't need some punk intern telling me what's at stake here. Get him out of here, Shep. Shep?"

"You're out, George." George leaves. _I hate to do that but he was out of line._ "You damn well better be ready, Taylor."

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

"All right, we're gonna start the procedure with the left temporal lobotomy. Thanks for joining us, Dr. Yang. After the temporal, we'll do the frontal, and then the occipital." _I am so glad that one of the interns came running, especially Cristina. The only intern that I think will keep her mouth shut._

"From the frontal lobotomy, I'm going to encounter a, uh…" Jamie starts blinking._ Why is she doing that? She's suppose to be sedated. What if George is right?_

Cristina finishes my statement, "We'll encounter the anterior cerebral artery."

"Yes, so we're gonna need to, uh…" _There it goes again. What is going on?_

"The branches of the artery need to be coagulated and divided," Cristina finishes my sentence again.

"You know, Taylor, her anesthesia's awful light. Come on, Taylor, s-she's waking up." _Why isn't he answering? This will be a traumatic experience for her no matter that she's only two. She will always remember this I bet._

"Dr. Taylor? Uh, he's asleep!"

I start screaming at him. "Taylor! Dr. Taylor!"

He jolts with a start. "Huh? Oh, God, sorry. Sorry, I'm on it. My bad, Shep."

_I'm sure he's drunk. George was right. I feel horrible for kicking him out._ "He was right, wasn't he?"

"Aw, I nodded off. Come on."

"Yeah, whatever you got to do to get through the day, right?"

"Steph, get me some coffee."

"Yes, doctor," Steph says as she heads out to get Taylor some coffee.

"I'll be fine. It won't happen again."

_It won't happen again in my OR. He could have killed this innocent young child because of stupidity._ "Yeah, not in here, it won't. Uh, Steph, call Dr. Pennington. Hopkins, take over until she gets here. Get out of here and get it together."

"This packing, we hope, will prevent hemorrhaging. Dr. Yang, do you want to add something to that?" I ask her as I explain what the packing will help do._ I'm hoping this will not effect her that much._

"It will allow the cerebral spinal fluid to eventually fill the cavity."

"Hmm, very nice. You two, you wanna close up?" _I need some sleep bad._

"Yes, doctor," the doctor in with Dr. Yang and I answered for both of them.

"I'm gonna go to bed."

"That was unreal. I mean, that's…that's all there is. I…I was feeling sick until I came here."

"I was tired. Now I'm tired again. It's back to reality." I point to George to come outside. _I need to apologize to him._ "Let me explain."

"It's fine."

"No, there is a code among doctors. We're not supposed to ask each other questions, not within the walls of this hospital." _Might as well go on and teach him the ropes._

"Ok, I was out of line."

"No, you weren't. I was. I was out of line. Somebody should have taken responsibility. It should have been the guy doing the cutting. It should have been me. You didn't deserve what happened to you today. You did the right thing code or no code. You saw me leave the house this morning, didn't you?" _I'm sure he did._

"Oh, was that you?"

"Hmm. I'm not using her. And I don't favor her."_ Maybe telling him will get the rumors to stop._

"She's pretty great, you know."

"Mm hmm. So, come on, let's go tell Jamie's parents she's gonna be fine, barring any complications."

I go and play with Jamie to make sure there is no complications. We talk about Winnie the Pooh.

"Pooh," Jamie says.

"How's she doing?" George comes in and asks.

"Good," I grin towards him.

"Good."

That night I go back to Meredith's place._ Maybe we should cut it short tonight. I know it would help George and Izzie sleep better._ "You know, we could just…"

"Sleep?" Meredith suggests.

"We could, yeah, if… if you want to."

"Yeah?"

We both crawl into the comfy bed.

"Oh, thank God," Meredith says in satisfaction. _I am so glad we're sleeping tonight instead._


	8. Save Me

A/N: I do not own anything dealing with Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did. This story is going to be based on Derek's POV in season one. Enjoy. R/R please. I think season 2 will be from Addison's POV. I'm getting bored with Derek's POV. Let me know what you think.

Save Me

_Why does she always stare at me like that?_ I wonder as I get ready for work.

"So let's go sleep at your house tonight."

_Is she ashamed to have me here with her friends here when I'm here?_ "What?"

"I mean, why are we always sleeping at my house? Do you even have one?"

_Why is she asking this?_ "One what?"

"A house. With a closet. With your stuff in it. Your personal stuff. Do you even have one of those?"

_Why does she think that I don't have my own house? That is ridiculous._ "Mmm."

Meredith and I walk into the kitchen to find George and Izzie. "Good morning."

"Hey. You guys want a cupcake?" George glances at us.

_I don't think that's such a good idea. My luck I'll get food poisoning or something._ "Oh, no."

"Izzie made them," George said.

_I love Meredith's place. And I thought she liked it here because she likes having her stuff around._ "You know, I like it here. You said so yourself, you liked having your things around, sleeping in your own bed." I go and get cereal and a bowl out of the cabinet.

George looks over at me. "You're like a health nut, aren't ya? You eat muesli every morning."

_I do not eat muesli EVERY morning._ "No, I don't."

"Ok, the muesli thing, you do. The last seven days, at least," Izzie joins in.

"Oh, come on. I haven't been here for a whole week. Have I?" _I didn't think I've been staying over that much, have I?_

"See? Even they think it's weird," Meredith laughs at me.

We smile at each other. _I love that smile._

As we walk through the hospital hallways, Meredith is being stubborn. "It's just that I hardly know anything about you."

_Yes, she does. She doesn't realize it yet._ "You know I'm from New York. You know I like ferry boats."

"Enough with the ferry boats. What about your friends?"

_All my friends are in New York. I really do not know why I came to Seattle, other than to get away from Addison._ "I'm a surgeon. I don't have friends."

"Everybody has friends. I mean, who do you hang out with? What do you do on your days off? These are important questions."

_She is right about that. Everybody does need friends._ "Ah, important for who?"

"We're having sex every night. I think I deserve details."

_Why does she have to know these things now?_ "You have more details that most."

"See, this is going somewhere weird. I want facts, and until I get them, my pants are staying on."

_I doubt that. She'll change her mind tonight._ "Or you could just roll with it. Be flexible. See what happens."

"I'm not flexible."

_I love it when she plays hard to get._ "There I disagree. Hmm. I've got to go. We'll find these things out. That's the fun part. You know? That's the gravy."

"That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to be your gravy."

I get a call from the ER for a consult. "Ok, Mr. Walker. Does that hurt?"

"I can't feel anything until you get to my thigh," Mr. Walker says.

_Just what I need. A complicated patient._ "Try wiggling your toes."

"Are they moving?"

"No."

"Damn. I could about ten minutes ago."

_Man. I was hoping for an easy day. _"Well, your spine x-rays look clear. You fell rock climbing?"

"In Snohomish. Just a small drop. I was belayed. My wife and boys are on the way. What's wrong with me, anyway?"

_He obviously doesn't get it._ "Hold your legs up." I lift his legs and let go. They fall to the bed with a thud.

"Should I be scared now?"

_Well, duh. Maybe a MRI will give me the answers I need._ "Just try and relax. Nurse, I need a stat MRI. Send an intern with him. Make it Meredith Grey."

"Mm-hmm," the nurse says.

_I hope we can get this figured out._

Later on in the MRI room:

"See, this. The guy's films are clear. There's no reason I can see for his creeping paralysis," Meredith observes.

_I hate medical mysteries. Seems like I have those a lot lately._ "It's just so surprising. I expected an intrusion into the spinal space or bony spur in the nucleus pulposus."

"Well, you were wrong. You don't always get what you expect, do you?"

_What the hell is her problem today? Why is she asking all these personal questions? And it seems like she's trying to egg me on about something. I wish I knew what though._ "What is your problem?"

"Give me something to go on. Anything. What are your grandparents' names?"

_That is a weird question._ "I don't have grandparents."

"Where'd you grow up? What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Where'd you spend your summer vacations?"

_Ok. She is so tense about this crap._ "Lighten up. It'll be good for your blood pressure." I leave the room.

I hear her call after me. "Oh, don't you tell me to lighten up. I'll lighten up when I…feel light."

I thought I would go and check on Mr. Walker. "Any changes, Mr. Walker?"

"I can't move my legs at all now," he says with a hint of fear in his voice.

"He said he was moving his legs when he came in. What's wrong with him?" Mrs. Walker asks with concern.

_I wish I knew the answer to that question._ "I don't know. The paralysis is moving very quickly and there was nothing in the MRI to explain it."

Meredith joins in then. "Has Tommy been under any stress lately?"

Mr. Walker starts to get agitated. "You know what's making me stressed? Is being in here and not being able to move."

_She needs to stop egging me and him on. _"Dr. Grey."

"Emotional trauma can be converted into something physical, right?"

_Why is she always right?_ "Yes, it's possible."

"Like hysterical numbness or paralysis. Maybe there is no physiological reason, and he's just having a conversion reaction."

_What is she thinking?_ "You think it's psychosomatic?" When I say that, a curtain flies open behind me._ What the hell is going on now? Is this place turning into a circus or something?_

"It is not in your head, man. I believe you," a random patient says to Mr. Walker.

"Mr. Duff, please," Izzie yells at him.

_Ok. What's up with this guy?_ "Who was that?"

"Psych sent him down. He has visions," Meredith fills me in.

"Is that it? Am I crazy?" Mr. Walker is getting more agitated.

_This man is not crazy. There is no way there isn't a physical reason for this. Not psychological._ "No. No. I'm gonna order a higher-level MRI. We're gonna figure this out."

Later on, Mr. Walker is starting to get worse. "First my legs, then my stomach. God. Doc! Doc, my hands can't move."

_Great. Just what I need._ "Squeeze my fingers."

"I can't"

_Please God. Help me find the problem to this._ "Right here. No? Let me know if you feel this." I poke him. "How about that? Here? Anything here? Up here? Ok. Nothing on this side? All right. I'll be right back. Nurse, cancel the second MRI. Call down and prep OR stat."

"You're operating? On what? If there was something to fix, wouldn't we have seen it?" Meredith looks at me confused.

_I think I finally have the answer._ "I think the MRI missed a clot somewhere in his upper spine. I'm gonna cut him open. I'm going in."

"What if you're wrong? Couldn't unnecessary spinal surgery do more damage?"

_Am I ever wrong? Why doesn't she ever trust me?_ "If we wait any longer and this expands into his brain stem, we have a paralyzed man who can't breathe. I'm trusting my instincts. Sometimes you've got to take a chance to save a life."

In the OR:

_Ok. Here we go. Moment of truth._ "We've got to save this cord. This guy's built like the Rock of Gibraltar."

"You want me to start?" Meredith asks.

_I am not gonna let some intern start my surgery. Even if it is Meredith._ "No I'm gonna cut here from the base of the neck to the rib cage. I want you to hit the bleeders."

"I still don't think we should be doing this."

_Why doesn't she trust me?_ "This guy has a spinal hematoma."

"We don't know that."

_Point is we need to treat it if it is there._ "Which left untreated are almost always fatal."

"You're cutting blind. Whatever happened to being practical?"

_What is with the third degree?_ "I need to see more here. Retractor."

"Wow. The spine."

"There's no 'wow' in 'practical'"

Four hours later:

"Third thoracic laminae. Nothing. I think I see the dura pulsating here." Meredith is getting tired.

_She's obviously not looking hard enough._ "No, it's not. Keep looking."

"We have been at this for four hours. Maybe he just injured his spinal cord and there's nothing to fix."

_She obviously hasn't read up on this lately._ "Grey, when you read your books, make sure you reference them correctly. Progressive paralysis implies a pressure lesion."

"My books got me here…"

"Pressure is up to 180/111. The pulse is in the 40s," a doctor informs me.

"What is it?" Meredith asks.

"I'm pulsing 70 milligrams Diazoxide." The doctor jumps into action.

"Ok. Autonomic dysreflexia."

"Damage to the sympathetic nervous system?"

"BP and the heart rate are unstable."

"We're in trouble, aren't we?

_Boy, are we in more trouble than I thought. _"We've got to find the clot."

"I can see the cord below the dura. Is he gonna stroke out?"

_I am not gonna let him stroke out._ "Focus, Grey. We're gonna find the clot. It's there. Cleanup, please."

"BP's still up. Heart rate's at 44." The doctor is keeping tabs on it for me.

"Get on those bleeders. Keep looking, Dr. Grey."

"What is it?"

_Thank God! I found it._ "See for yourself. The second thoracic vertebrae."

"Oh, my God. I see it. It really is there."

_I bet she's kicking herself in the ass for not believing me._ "Of course it is. Let's suction and pack this baby, shall we?"

"You were right. Is he gonna be ok?

_I'm absolutely sure of it._ "I think so."

"But you don't know that."

"I know we stopped the paralysis from advancing." _Or at least I hope we did._

"But, you don't know if the paralysis he already has will be permanent."

"No." _ No one knows that._

"You know, you keep taking everything on faith. How do you know what's real and what's not?"

_She is full of questions today. And I have no answers._ "You just do. You know some people would call this a relationship. The kind where you exchange keys, leave your toothbrush over."

"Who? Who would call it that?"

_Me of course._ "Me. I would."

"And I'm supposed to believe you?"

_Why doesn't she trust me?_ "Uh huh."

"Show me something. Give me a reason to believe."

I walk away.

Later that night:

We are walking towards my car.

"Where are we going?"

"Trust me." _I hope that she does and will for a long time._

After a car ride:

"Where are we?"

_Why is she so full of questions?_ "Shh, shh. I'm gonna tell you. All right. My mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have, uh, nine nieces. Five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Um, favorite novel, The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band, The Clash. My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. And I live in that trailer. All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. So that's it. That's all you've earned for now. The rest you're just…just gonna have to take on faith." With that we join hands and walk into the trailer.


	9. Who's Zoomin' Who?

**A/N: I do not own anything dealing with Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did. This story is going to be based on Derek's POV in season one. Enjoy. R/R please. This is the last chapter of this story. Sorry it's taken me a year to finish it. It's been hectic lately.**

Who's Zoomin' Who?

Ring…Ring… _Who is calling at this hour?_ I hear Meredith answer the phone.

"Is she all right?"…"Can I call you later, then?"…"I have to go." I'm getting irritated wondering who the hell calls this early in the morning.

"Oh my God. Who is calling you at this hour?" I sit up and look at her.

"It's a wrong number." _She's hiding something from me. I wish she would just open up to me and tell me everything about her._

Meredith gets up and moves towards the door to find Izzie and George having a heated discussion.

_What are they arguing about now. Interns now a days never stop arguing. They always have drama. I don't remember having this much drama other than the Addison and Mark fiasco._ I get up and move towards the door. "This sounds like fun out here." My phone chooses now to ring. _Why is Addison calling me now?_

Meredith glances over her shoulder at me. "Aren't you gonna get that? It might be the hospital."

_If she only knew…_ "It's not. Breakfast?" _I love it when I try my best to distract her._

Later at the hospital I'm sitting in the galley watching Dr. Webber and Meredith doing a colon resection...or what suppose to be one.

"There's too much damage. We'll have to remove most of the colon instead of a local resection," Dr. Webber says as he tries to stitch the colon up but seems to be having issues.

_This isn't like Dr. Webber. He's the Chief of Surgery for God's sake. _

"You gotta push it up," He says to Meredith as he tries again. "More suture. And what's with these damn lights in here."

_Something's up with Richard. The lights are fine. _ I see Meredith adjust the lights.

After Dr. Webber's surgery, I follow him to his office. _I wonder why he was acting like that during surgery._ I knock on the door and walk in. Closing the door I approach him, "You dropped a retractor."

"Fine. A few weeks ago, I was operating, and the vision in my right eye became blurry. After a few hours, it was fine. It's come back again," He confesses to me._ I wonder what could be causing this. Maybe a tumor or an aneurysm._

"Did you have it checked out?" _Knowing the Chief that answer will be a no._

"The examination was normal. My ophthalmologist tells me I'm just getting older. But you know what a decline in my visual acuity can mean." _Shocker a doctor actually got something of theirs checked out. I know the Chief is stubborn and embarrassed about this. Maybe I should set up some tests for him myself._

"I'll set up some tests."

The Chief looks at me with appreciation. "Shep, I know how the rumor mill runs around here. Let's just keep this to ourselves."

_My thoughts exactly Chief. People would think you were losing your touch._ "Absolutely. Yeah."

Later I catch up to the Chief walking through the hall, "I've cleared some time for your MRI."

"Good. Let's get going."

"Ok." As I leave to go to the MRI suite, I see Patricia walk up. _I wonder what she wants. Chief doesn't have time for this._

It turns out Patricia was telling the Chief that there was a syphilis outbreak on the surgical ward. I head towards the meeting for safe sex everyone is attending to try and get the Chief to come do his MRI in secret. As I enter the room I spot the Chief and walk towards him. Whispering in his ear I try to convince him to come now. "We should try and get down to do the MRI now."

_The Chief looks irritated right now. I bet he's trying to figure out who started this outbreak. _"This isn't really a good time."

_This is the only time I can easily keep this a secret._ "If you want to do this without anybody else know, you should do it now." With this statement the Chief follows me out of the room.

Later on after the scan, I review them with the Chief. _I can't believe what I'm seeing._ "You see that right there?"

"Mm-hmm." _He looks worried. I need to reassure him._

"It's a tumor, and it's pressing against your optic nerve." _I still can't believe it even after saying it out loud. The Chief has always seemed invincible._

"Is it operable?"

"Oh definitely. It does have its risks." _He still looks unsure. But this needs to be taken care of._

"You mean I could lose my sight? Just what I need, a syphilis outbreak and a tumor. _This would be the perfect time to crack a joke._

"Well, it's probably unrelated." _He obviously doesn't think it's funny. He looks scared to death._

"All right, Derek, let's see how good you really are."

"All right. I'll put a team together." _So much for this being a secret for the Chief. I wonder how I can still keep this under wraps._

"All my people only. And I still want this kept under wraps. The vultures will be circling soon enough." _How do I keep this under wraps? This is going to be really tricky._

"Aren't I one of the vultures?"

"Why do you think I want to keep an eye on you? Get going. We're doing this tonight."

_So much for a romantic night with Meredith. _"Right."

The Chief leaves just as Meredith walks in and looks at me. "You paged?"

_Now let's see who can keep a secret._ "Yeah, I need you to help me out on somehting for the Chief. Can you keep a secret?"

"Better than you think." _Thank God someone to share this experience with._

Later on, after explaining to Meredith about the Chief's condition and to tell Dr. Bailey about it, I catch up to them in the hall. "How goes out special super secret silent sunset surgery? I've been practicing that. _Why are Meredith and Dr. Bailey looking at me like I'm crazy._

"You have too much time on your hands. Uh, tell the Chief I'll be there. Just let me know when and where. I'm in," Dr. Bailey says as she walked off.

"Ok," Meredith calls after Bailey. Then looking at me asks, "Are you nervous?"

_Well duh. What else would I be right now._ "It's a complicated surgery. I make one mistake, I end a fellow surgeon's career, my mentor's career. Oh, no, I'm not nervous." _She's such a ditz. But I still like her a lot._

"So just for the record…"

I look over at her wondering what in the world is about to come out of this beautiful woman's mouth. "Mm-hmm."

"…you'd tell me if I need to get tested, right?"

_Did she really just ask me that? She thinks I have syphilis doesn't she?_ "You think I have syphilis?"

"No, I don't. It's just…we never made any rules or anything. I mean, we never said, 'We have rules,' and I wouldn't hold it against you."

_She actually thinks she's not the only woman I'm with…which is true but Addison is out of the picture right now, so technically she is the only one. _"When would I have time to go out and get syphilis? You're a handful enough as it is, and besides, we're like, practically a condom ad."

Meredith looks at me and laughs, "But no more glow-in-the-dark ones."

_She's such a dork._ "You see? There's nothing to worry about. Maybe we should, you know, make some rules, I mean."

"We should."

"Ok."

"Ok."

_That was easy enough. _"Just for the record…"

Meredith looks back at me, "Uh-huh?"

"I like the glow-in-the-dark ones."

She grins at me saying, "I bet you do."

Just as Meredith leaves, my phone starts ringing again. I look down to see Addison calling…again. _Why is she calling me? I told her it was over back in Boston._

At 6:30, I enter the OR that we have to operate on Richard. I see Richard getting ready for his surgery. "How we doing?"

"Did you lock up the gallery?" _Richard looks tense. He needs to relax. He's in the hands of one of the best neurosurgeons around._

"Don't worry. We're flying under the radar. What did you put out there, the Midas Rex?" _I love aggravating Bailey._

"We've got it, Chief," Bailey says as she tries to reassure Richard.

"How much cancomycin is there?" _He just won't give up will he? _

"One gram, as ordered, sir." Bailey informs the Chief.

"You're not gonna be too liberal with those benzos, are ya?" _He's so stubborn. The longer he asks questions the longer it's going to take to get this surgery done. Which means we could get caught._

"You know, doctors make the worst patients. You should just breathe in the happy gas. Stop running my OR. I got you covered." _I hope this surgery is uneventful._

_I'm so glad this surgery went uneventful. I don't know what I would have done if something would have happened._ "Ok, I've sutured the drain in place. The staples look fine. All right, we're done here. Dr. Bailey, you want to wrap him?"

"I got it." Bailey sets to work wrapping the Chief's head.

"Nice work, everybody. Nicely done." _I will have to admit we all did a great job. Especially at keeping this a secret for this long._

"Thanks." Bailey looks up from wrapping to acknowledge the team's success.

"Good." _Meredith looks worried. I wonder what she's thinking about._

"Do you think the optic nerve is damaged?" Meredith looks at me trying to hide the worry in her eyes.

Bailey speaks up to answer the question for me, "If it is, when he wakes up, he'll…"

"He'll be blind? For how long?"

"Forever. Page Stevens and Yang. Tell them I want them covering your patients. I need you to stay and monitor the Chief." Bailey finishes wrapping the Chief's head and gives Meredith the orders.

"Cristina and Izzie, um…I think they're already swamped."

"With what?" _Bailey looks irritated with Meredith. Meredith is such a bad liar._

"Labs. They had to check on some labs."

"Oh, you are lying. I know you're lying. You know how I know? Cause you're a bad liar! I hate a bad liar." Bailey looks over at the other surgeon in the OR with us. "Take over for me. I know exactly where they are. Here. Take over for me." _Miranda is one person you do not want to lie to. Izzie and Cristina might want to watch their backs._

After I get cleaned up, I go to track down Meredith. I find her on the phone. "Hey."

"Hey," Meredith says as she hangs up the phone. _Who was she on the phone with?_ "A lot of secret phone calls today." She paused. "Yeah, it's my mother. She isn't traveling. She isn't writing a book. She isn't anything. I've been lying to everyone." _Wow. Why is she hiding this from me?_

"Why?"

"She has Alzheimer's."

_No wonder she's been hiding this from everyone. I wonder why she did though. I could help. I'm a neurosurgeon. It couldn't hurt could it?_ "How advanced?"

"Very. She's in a home and I'm the only one who even knows she's sick. I just don't know what to do anymore, you know?" _ I'm worried about Meredith. She doesn't deserve to be going through all of this._

I reach down and kiss her forehead, just as the Chief wakes up.

_Finally this day is over. I can go home and relax. God knows I deserve it._ Meredith walks up and stands beside me. I look over at her. "Long day."

"Yeah."

_I could go for a steak and some wine right now._ "Somewhere out there is a steak with your name on it and maybe a bottle of wine."

She looks at me laughing, "This is why I keep you around."

_I hope she didn't forget about our talk._ "So we need to talk."

"Wine first, talk later." _She's such an alcoholic._

"You trying to, uh, get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?" _I always knew I liked this girl._

"I think I like this rules thing."

_She just read my mind._ "Me too." As I help her put her coat on, I look up and see Addison standing there. I turn to Meredith, "Meredith, I am so sorry."

Addison walks over towards us. "Addison, what are you doing here?"_ What the hell is she doing here? This is not suppose to be happening._

"Well, you'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls." Addison looks over to Meredith. "Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd." She shakes Meredith's hand

Meredith looking confused asks, "Shepherd?"

"And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."

Meredith looks at Addison and then at me

_Damn it. Why does this have to happen tonight?_

**A/N: Sorry that this last chapter sucked..and that it took me so long to realize that I didn't finish it last year. Thanks for reading and reviewing.**


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